Recently I settled in to watch a DVD of my favorite reality cooking series. In an early episode, one of the contestants, already a successful chef, confided to the cameras that he’d decided to appear on the program to show his children he’d done something with his life.

His honest confession made me a little sad.

The idea that you have to appear on television—gain some measure of fame and public recognition—to validate your life explains everything from reality TV to … well … blogging. But it’s a flawed perspective.

The kind of fame you find in reality TV usually lasts only until you’re eliminated from the competition or the next season’s cast debuts. Most Survivor fans remember Richard Hatch won the show’s first season. When he took home the million-dollar prize, the show was a novelty that captured viewers’ imaginations—and his ongoing legal troubles have kept him in the public eye. But how many can name the second season’s winner? Or last season’s?

People don’t long remember the faces that pass across their television screens because those individuals entertain them for short periods, but they don’t have a lasting impact on their lives. So if you want to show your children or the people in your circle that you’ve “done something” worthwhile … then you need to do something worthwhile. To illustrate the point, answer these questions:

• Who’s got your back? You’ve just had a fight with your boss, your spouse, your neighbor. You’ve been laid off. It’s moving day. You’re car’s in the shop. You pick up the phone to vent, commiserate, ask for help, get a lift. Who’s on the other end? Want to be remembered? Be the friend others can count on to listen and lend a helping hand.

• Who eased your pain? It’s one of your worst moments. You’ve been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. Your spouse has walked out. Someone you love has died. But someone is there to comfort you. It may be a doctor, nurse, or hospital volunteer. It may be a close friend or member of the clergy. It may be a complete stranger you’ll never see again. Even if you don’t know or remember this person’s name, you’ll always remember the comfort. Demonstrating kindness and a generous spirit may not get you a booking on a late-night talk show. But you’ll be remembered much longer than the fad star of the month.

• Who shined a light on your path? You were at a crossroads and didn’t know which way to turn. The decision might have a positive—or negative—impact on the rest of your life. But someone was there, willing to listen, able to offer sound, compassionate advice. If you want to be remembered, be that someone who listens and helps.

Small acts of human intervention won’t bring you into the living rooms of millions (until you’re ejected from the kitchen or voted off the island and eventually forgotten). But they’ll have lasting value with a precious few who’ll remember them forever.