Of all the mothers and daughters I know, Sarah and Whitney are the duo that most remind me of the relationship I have with my own mom. Though Whitney is an independent woman carving out her own unique path in life (www.myspace.com/whitneyhogan), she maintains a special closeness with her mom.

But relationships like Sarah and Whitney’s don’t just happen by magic or luck. They take a lot of work. Watching them through the years, I know Sarah directed much of her parenting effort the same way my mother did—toward effective communication. They approached parenting from different perspectives: My mother worked full-time outside the home while Sarah was a stay-at-home mom. Both also had many responsibilities on behalf of their extended families. But when their children needed to talk, they were there to listen.

Whether you’re trying to build a better relationship with your kids, your spouse, your friends, or your boss or colleagues, communication is the key—and these are the mistakes you can’t afford to make:

• Expecting people to keep pace with you. You’re a busy person. So if people want you to lend them an ear, you expect them to keep up with your stride as you’re racing through your daily routine. That means colleagues have to speak their piece as you’re galloping down the hallway. Or family members have to share their day or ask your advice or cry on your shoulder as you’re dressing to go out or cleaning the toilet or mowing the lawn.

And what message does that send? I don’t have time for you, so keep it short. Would you want to share the special details of your life or some killer business idea with someone who couldn’t be bothered to stop running long enough to hear you out?

• Dividing your attention. With so much going on, it’s hard to find a few minutes to take a break. And no sooner do you sit down to watch a little television, read a magazine, send a couple of e-mails, or just relax and stare out the office window than someone stops by for a chat. Well, here are your choices: 1) Say, “I don’t have time to talk right now—let’s get together in a little while,” or 2) Stop what you’re doing and give the speaker your full attention right now.

If you try to do both—watch television, send e-mails, stare out the window and mumble an occasional reply to whatever’s being said—what message do you send? You are not my priority.

Now imagine the speakers are your children. If talking to them isn’t one of your priorities when they’re small, then talking to you probably won’t be one of their priorities when they’re older.

• Engaging in third-party communication. These days there’s no shortage of ways to communicate. You can talk on the phone, text message, instant message, icam, e-mail, voice mail, communicate via social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter. And you can still do the retro thing and leave handwritten notes stuck to the fridge.

But no matter how sophisticated the technology, nothing replaces face-to-face, eye-to-eye, smile-to-smile contact. Don’t get so caught up in using gadgets that you neglect to spend significant one-on-one time with the people who matter in your life. The time you invest in communicating with them today will pay off in close relationships that will last for the rest of your life.