Ah yes, motherly advice. Some mothers tell their daughters to guard their virtue. Some tell their daughters to marry good providers. Some tell their daughters to vigorously pursue their dreams and become good providers.

My mother told me not to be too surprised if the gentlest person on earth suddenly pops me in the mouth.

Now … before anyone misreads that, my mother has always taught me to stand up for myself and not let anyone be abusive toward me. On that occasion, however, she was referring to my talent for flippancy. I’ve learned since then to bridle my inherent ability to throw out well-timed, sarcastic replies. But my internal censor hasn’t always worked as well as it should have.

People who speak off the cuff may be quick-witted, and often their answers are humorous and even brutally honest. But those rapid responses also can be seen as disrespectful, demotivating, argumentative, and hurtful. That’s why it’s better to think about what you’re going to say before you say it. You may lose a little spontaneity, but you’ll make up for it in goodwill. When an off-the-cuff remark frames in your mind, before letting it escape your lips, ask these questions:

• Will this have a positive impact?  If not, why say it? Unless you have a purpose for alienating your listeners, it’s foolish to say something you know won’t be well received.

• Will this achieve resolution?  Is your comment going to ease tension? Move discussions forward? Suggest a solution? Or further antagonize the situation? Don’t say it if nothing good can come of it.

• Will this make others feel better?Let’s be honest: Most smart-aleck comments are intended to slap someone down. That may be appropriate, depending on your audience and what’s been said to you. But don’t take unnecessary shots at people who aren’t a threat. Your interests will be better served if you strive to take the high road.

• How will this make me appear?  Try to quickly gauge how your comment will play. It’s fine to be perceived as tough, no nonsense, and prepared to defend yourself. But if you’ll be perceived as a bully, better to pass on the opportunity to zing.