Have you ever cared for a colicky baby? Here’s what they do:

They cry.

No, they don’t cry that sweet delicate whaaa that inspires people to stick something called a “binky” in their little mouths, dry their tears, and coo over how precious they are.

They … holler!

That’s right. From the depths of those tiny bodies comes a hellish, shrieking, sirenlike wail … a deafening sound that can drive sane people to asylums, previously happy couples to divorce court, and family pets to surrender themselves to local shelters.

Remember that scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds when all the children ran screaming from flocks of attacking crows? That’s nothing compared to the stampedes inspired by the cries of colicky infants.

But you can’t blame the babies. All they know is they’re experiencing acute abdominal pain and they want someone to make it stop. So they wail … and wail … and wail.

And then there are colicky adults. No, I’m not talking about adults experiencing abdominal pain. I’m referring to adults experiencing emotional pain … only instead of wailing for someone to make it stop, they hold in their misery. But if they think their silent screams won’t cause trouble, they’re kidding themselves.

When you hold in grief, fear, anxiety, trauma, and hurt, you can let loose more social and productivity problems than you imagine. What remains unspoken can create barriers of resentment and discomfort that interfere in relationships or thwart collaborative efforts. It can distract you from meeting deadlines or doing your best work. But opening up and letting it out doesn’t come as easily to adults as it does to infants. Here’s some advice for safely sharing your pain:

• Boil it down. Relieving yourself of your burden doesn’t mean you have to tell people your entire life story. Try to pinpoint what’s really bothering you. Journal about it. Keep writing about the problem until you can narrow it to an anecdote, a paragraph, a sentence. This is the thing that is driving me to distraction. Once you know exactly what piece of yourself you need to share, it will be easier to decide with whom you should share it—and to start getting comfortable with the idea of letting it go. Though you are sharing part of yourself, you still remain in control of your privacy.

• Choose a listener. Who should hear your story? First, it must be someone trustworthy. This is private information and you want it to stay that way. If the information is deeply private, you would be wise to keep it within your circle of intimates: a spouse or partner, sibling, close friend, or parent. Usually this isn’t the kind of information you share with colleagues or casual friends. If you need counseling or the information is traumatic, you should consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group so you can learn to process and make sense of your painful memories.

• Remain in control. Remember: Choosing to share with someone doesn’t mean you need to share with everyone. If you’re not careful, you may find it difficult to simply crack the door. After holding your information inside so long, once you start to share, it may be like opening the floodgates. Suddenly you’re telling everybody the intimate details of your life. Though you may initially feel unburdened, you’ll soon wish you’d been more discrete. You’ll begin to feel embarrassed that so many people know so much about you. And you’ll start to wonder if they’ll use it against you.

Stick to the plan: Talk to your target listener about the specific information that’s troubling you—and only that information. If you get the relief you’re hoping to find, you may decide to open up a little more in the future.