2 ways to change your reality
Anyone who’s watched a few hours of so-called reality TV knows reality is a relative term. It’s hard to imagine that people can be their authentic selves when the cameras are rolling and they’re performing in contrived situations for the onlooking masses.
But before we become too critical of television’s island survivors; aspiring singers, chefs, and fashion designers; or upscale housewives and wannabe models, let’s be honest: To a large extent, we all create our own realities. And often we cast ourselves in roles that undermine our talents and potential.
Are you having trouble reaching your goals? Maybe the problem is that you’re living in a self-limiting reality. You’ve created a world in which you’re too shy, too clumsy, too unathletic, too financially challenged, too old, too young—and you’ve let those beliefs set the boundaries on what you can accomplish.
How can your change your reality and stop sabotaging your progress? Try focusing on these two areas:
• How you define yourself. Since I love puzzles, when Sudoku became the rage, my friends kept asking if I’d tried it. “No,” I answered, irritated. “I’m a word person, not a numbers person.” It’s not that I’m incapable of making simple calculations—I just don’t enjoy math. And because Sudoku involves numbers, I decided it wouldn’t come as easily as word puzzles
. I gave up without even looking at a Sudoku puzzle.
Finally one day curiosity got the better of me. I took a stab at the Sudoku in the newspaper and couldn’t put it down. The only thing that had kept me from enjoying the puzzles sooner was that I’d labeled myself a “word only” person.
What labels do you attach to yourself? Do you tell friends you’re a rotten cook? That tech stuff is over your head? That you’re a poor communicator? That you’re not good at relationships? Is that your actual reality—or the one you’ve imposed on yourself?
• How you allow others to define you. We all tend to fall into certain roles within our families, our work groups, our circle of friends. She’s the mother hen. He’s the clown. She’s the scatterbrain. He’s the flirt. She’s the rebel. He’s the bore. And once you get a label, it’s almost impossible to shake it no matter how much time passes or how much you change over time. People expect you to play the role you’ve been assigned, and you find yourself—willingly or unwillingly—falling into that pattern.
But if being the hen, the clown, the scatterbrain, the flirt, the rebel, or the bore is keeping you from being who you really are or who you want to be, you have to find a way to climb out of the rut. And if you can’t find the strength to reinvent your image within your current circle, you may need to limit your interaction with the old crowd and start looking for new friends who’ll allow you to be your best self.
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Thanks, Deborah