Oscar Fulgham thought he was prepared the day a massive tornado leveled much of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The 69-year-old former Army staff sergeant told the Los Angeles Times he’d been watching weather reports and planned to take refuge in his bathroom if the twister moved toward his one-story duplex. But no matter how much you think you’ve prepared for the unexpected, it can still catch you off-guard.

“You can’t believe how fast that thing was moving,” Fulgham said. “The sky turned black, and then it was on us before we had time to think.”

Fulgham made it to the bathroom just as violent winds clawed off the roof, exploded the windows, and blew out the walls. Six seconds. Fulgham survived, but in just six seconds, his home was gone.

Tornadoes have ravaged a lot of lives this year, but nature isn’t the only force that can flatten a world in an instant. So many people close to me have been leveled by other storms: a sudden death, a job loss, a parent’s deterioration, a spouse’s disaffection, a medical diagnosis, a family split.

What do you do when the sky suddenly turns black and then you’re wandering through the wreckage trying to figure out how to start over? Follow these steps …

1. Take a minute.  Some people react to life-altering circumstances by trying to convince themselves nothing’s really changed, life goes on, they can handle whatever falls out of the sky, no problem. That’s a mistake. Failing to debrief after traumatic events is one of the chief causes of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Take stock of where you are before you try to move forward. Acknowledge what’s happened in your life and talk with others who can share your feelings. Give yourself a moment to absorb and grieve your losses before you start trying to put your life back together.

2. Don’t take a minute longer than necessary.  Dark fell fast after the storm hit Tuscaloosa. And those left without homes had to find food, water, and safe places to sleep. You need to give yourself time to grieve, but don’t surrender to self-pity. After a crushing blow, it’s easy to look around and realize weeks, months, and years have passed while you’ve continued to sit amid the rubble … waiting for things to get better. Things don’t just get better. You have to make them better.

3. Ask for help, if you need it.  In all the U.S. communities ravaged by storms and floods this year, neighbors have come to one another’s assistance, and people from around the nation have sent money, food, clothing, and teams of workers to help in the recovery efforts. No matter how self-reliant you are, you can’t raise a roof or sandbag a street by yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others when you’re hurting. Maybe helping you will be their therapy. And if you can’t help yourself, try helping someone else.

4. Have faith.  Six seconds of black sky, lashing winds, flying furniture, breaking glass, and the horrific roar of the storm. Six seconds … then looking around, Oscar Fulgham saw nothing but rubble. He was lying on his bathroom floor. He checked himself for injuries and realized he was okay. Then he looked up.

“And you know what?” he said. “It was a bright sky.”

You will recover. And you, too, will find blue skies again.

Click to support Red Cross disaster-relief efforts.