In 1977, 16-year-old Cathleen Crowell decided to cover a possible pregnancy with her foster parents by inventing a rape story. Too bad for 20-year-old Gary Dotson that he slightly resembled her fictional assailant. In 1979, with Crowell’s help, Illinois courts sentenced Dotson to 20–50 years.

By 1985, Crowell had become a deeply religious woman, desperate to make amends. Confessing her deception, she helped Dotson get released on bond, pending a new hearing. Then the guilt-ridden accuser and the man whose life she’d shattered made the rounds of network morning programs, ending with The CBS Morning News and Phyllis George, a one-time Miss America recently hired from CBS Sports.

George’s interview style fell somewhere between perky and giggly, and the uncomfortable guests probably were relieved to reach the wrap-up—until George playfully suggested they shake hands like two kids making up after a playground spat. They awkwardly complied. Then with all the stereotypical vivaciousness of a former Miss Texas, George added, “How about a hug?”

Crowell and Dotson declined, and producers quickly ended the segment … as CBS switchboards overloaded with calls from viewers complaining about George’s insensitivity. She was off the program before year’s end.

All of us have had embarrassing moments when our mouths have seemed to operate with no connection to our brains. If you want to minimize the chances of tripping over a rogue tongue, here are a few topics to sidestep:

• Baking secrets. If a woman appears to have something in her onboard “oven”—even if it seems large enough to burst forth and start kindergarten—it’s a good rule not to mention it unless she does. I’ve known many women who’ve been asked about their great expectations and had to awkwardly explain the stork wasn’t due for a fly-by. It’s not a pleasant experience for either party. Once a bubbly stranger inadvertently popped the pregnancy question to a friend mourning a heartbreaking miscarriage. If you simply ask how things are going, a mom-to-be will quickly say, “Duh, I’m pregnant!” Trust me, that’s preferable to commenting on a pregnancy and being told, “No, I just had a miscarriage!”

• Childrearing tips.  Don’t tell people how to raise their kids. Doesn’t matter whether you’ve raised 22 or none, you haven’t raised theirs. Unless they ask your input, don’t offer. I’m in the none category, but spend enough time with kids to know their dirty little secret: They’re miniature adults. That means they’re individuals with unique personalities and back stories. You can’t just follow a recipe, as you would baking cakes, and expect them all to turn out the same. And you don’t always know a child or parent’s circumstances—as when a shopper lectured a stranger over her unruly child without knowing the child was severely autistic.

• Employment issues.  In the past three years, many of my friends have been laid off or forced into early retirement without expected benefits. Others have had to take second jobs, drop expensive health coverage, or are lying awake nights wondering if they can save their small businesses. Most people have friends with similar problems even if they don’t talk about it. So if you’re fortunate to have financial security, don’t start blasting the unemployed or making random comments about how easy it is to find jobs if people want them. Things are never that simple, and you have no idea how much salt you might be throwing in the open wounds of your friends by recklessly commenting on challenges you don’t have to face.