Poor Virgil was a sweet young man saddled with total ineptitude. Whatever he touched, he broke. No matter how simple the job, he botched it. Finally, given the easy task of polishing a set of keys, he managed to wear away the grooves, rendering the keys useless and sealing the door they were supposed to unlock.

Faced with this latest example of his incompetence, his cousin Barney berated his stupidity, leaving Virgil hanging his head in shame and defeat.

Fans of The Andy Griffith Show recognize the plot from the episode “Cousin Virgil.” But most of us have witnessed similar interactions between managers and employees—or worse, between parents and children. People screw up and other people berate them. We may have been on the giving or receiving ends of similar experiences.

But berating people isn’t the best way to build their confidence and ensure problems get resolved—which should be the objective. So the next time someone makes a mistake, instead of hitting the roof, try a little of the kindness Sheriff Andy Taylor wound up showing Cousin Virgil. Follow these steps:

1. Take a breath. Try to suck in the urge to scream the first thing that comes to mind—especially if you’re dealing with children. Yelling: You idiot!! or How could you be so stupid!! will not magically lift the milk from the floor and put it back into the jug. And shouting: Are you insane? won’t inspire loyalty from an employee or colleague who just made a misstep.

2. Ask the obvious. Instead of going off half-cocked, simply ask: What happened? Okay, so what happened may be fairly obvious. That’s not the point. You’re giving yourself time to take a breath and giving the culprit a chance to babble, deflect, cry … and realize that you’re not going off half-cocked.

3. Move to resolve. Since everyone is calm, now you can ask your child, spouse, friend, colleague, or employee: How do we fix this? This question says a) We’re in this together, and b) I have faith in your ability to work the problem.

4. Take preventive measures. Once you’ve cleaned the mess, bandaged the wound, or implemented the solution, you can analyze what went wrong: So how can we make sure this won’t happen again? Discuss what needs to happen so you all can avoid this situation in the future.

5. Emphasize the lesson. End on a positive note by reinforcing the takeaway: Well, we’ve learned you’re not quite big enough to pick up a full milk jug, haven’t we? That’s a much more productive way to leave a negative event than: Do that again and you’ll be looking for another job!