Most of us spend way too much time worrying what others are thinking about us. But we really have no idea what’s going on in anyone else’s head—as I discovered one Christmas.

Our family had gathered at my brother’s and I was refereeing an argument between my then seven-year-old nephew and his younger sister. When I told them they shouldn’t bicker, my nephew announced, “But you and Mimi fight all the time!”

Now “Mimi” is what the kids call my mother, and she and I are exceptionally close. The only time I could remember us getting in a spat in front of the children was when I’d joined them in a wild game of hide-n-seek at her house and we’d nearly pulled down her drapes.

“We do not fight all the time!” I said, but my nephew was adamant. “Okay, then what do we fight about?” Without hesitation, he answered: “Food!”

Food?

When Mom and I discussed it later, the only thing we could figure is that I’d lost a lot of weight that year and then decided to jeopardize my hard work to star in my own holiday production of “This Little Piggy Grazed at the Trough.” Mom performed as my Greek chorus, singing the continual refrain of “Are you eating another cookie?” to which I echoed back the traditional daughter’s line of “Never mind, Mom.” Although we didn’t raise our voices, apparently our quiet back-and-forth had caught my nephew’s ear.

So the next time you’re fretting over what someone else is thinking about you, remember:

• You’re probably wrong anyway. Whatever you’ve imagined that people are thinking, you’re probably off by a mile. If I’d listed a thousand things I thought my nephew might answer when I asked him what Mimi and I fought about, I’d never in a million years have listed “food.” In fact, I’d have bet he wouldn’t have a comeback at all. Never underestimate a stubborn seven-year-old.

• People notice what’s important to them. Why would my nephew listen to his aunt and grandmother’s passing exchanges about Christmas cookies? Because cookies are a BIG DEAL to a seven-year-old boy. Unless you’re discussing something that happens to pique their interest (like chatting about cookies in front of a child), most people are too caught up in their own stuff to give much thought to yours.

• Necessity is the mother of attention. My nephew may have wondered in passing why his aunt and grandmother talked so much about food. But I doubt he dwelled on it and I’m sure he wouldn’t have mentioned it if I hadn’t disciplined him for arguing with his sister. He wanted to redirect my attention from his misbehavior to my “food fights.” Smart kid. If people suddenly start focusing unwanted attention on you, ask yourself what’s in it for them?

• People color their perceptions from their own palette. Like most seven-year-olds, my nephew has a sweet tooth. And like most parents, my brother and sister-in-law sometimes have to remind him to step away from the cookie jar. And they wouldn’t be too pleased if he answered “Never mind, Mom” or “Never mind, Dad.” That may be why he felt I was “fighting” with my mother. When people make assumptions about something you’ve said or done, those assumptions are based on their own thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and emotions—and no amount of worry can change that.