Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

“I’ve always wanted that played at my funeral,” I said, prompting my mother to ask again the name of the song.

“Good Riddance,” I replied, using the alternate title of the composition Billie Joe Armstrong originally wrote about the breakup of a relationship. “Good grief,” my mother said, “what kind of song is that to play at a funeral?” My sister-in-law, brother, and I quickly assured her it was an appropriate song about endings.

Suddenly my nine-year-old nephew piped up from the back. “This is the song I want at my funeral.” He held up his iPod …

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test and don’t ask why.

It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.

I hope you had the time of your life.”

“That’s it!” the middle generation chimed together.

“That’s beautiful,” my mother said.

As humans we have many splendid qualities … and a few failings. One of our less commendable characteristics is a tendency to dislike and distrust people based on surface differences without taking the trouble to learn who they are inside. Even the most reasonable among us are sometimes influenced by stereotypes about race, religion, ethnicity, national origin, political persuasion, and regionality. As a result, we shortchange people we don’t know—and miss the opportunity for interesting and enriching interactions.

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One of my favorite books is Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove, and I’m equally crazy about the miniseries adaptation. I particularly love the scene when Captain Call takes exception to an Army scout whacking young Newt, who’s trying to prevent him from commandeering Dish’s horse. Captain Call sets the scout straight with some brutal whacking of his own, then quietly tells the stunned onlookers: “I hate rude behavior in a man. Won’t tolerate it.”

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Oooh, I just lost my temper. Some days that’s easy to do. I’ve been struggling with a pounding migraine, plus the accompanying nausea and sensitivity to light and sound, so my tolerance tank is running low.

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With so many out of work these days, employers can practically sketch their ideal employee and find someone to perfectly fit the image.

Not many would sketch Nic Schoonbeck.

A decade of drug abuse had left the 24-year-old with a felony arrest record and bedraggled appearance. But as Rhonda Abrams explains in her book Wear Clean Underwear: Business Wisdom from Mom, the owners of Zingerman’s deli in Ann Arbor, Michigan, prided themselves on looking beyond externals when interviewing prospective hires. So instead of being put off by Nic’s unkempt ponytail, torn t-shirt, and spotty résumé, they welcomed him aboard and assigned him sandwich duties.

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Holidays bring families together … and to hear some tell it, the more is not the merrier. Many times I’ve listened silent and bug-eyed as friends have discussed the horrors of trying to plan gatherings for their parents and in-laws. It’s amazing how the offspring of such divergent clans managed to mate. These people have nothing in common beyond the marriage of their children and the fact that they share—and compete for the affection of—common grandchildren. No wonder my friends approach the holiday dinner as though they’re planning a summit meeting between the United States and North Korea.

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Ah yes, motherly advice. Some mothers tell their daughters to guard their virtue. Some tell their daughters to marry good providers. Some tell their daughters to vigorously pursue their dreams and become good providers.

My mother told me not to be too surprised if the gentlest person on earth suddenly pops me in the mouth.

Now … before anyone misreads that, my mother has always taught me to stand up for myself and not let anyone be abusive toward me. On that occasion, however, she was referring to my talent for flippancy. I’ve learned since then to bridle my inherent ability to throw out well-timed, sarcastic replies. But my internal censor hasn’t always worked as well as it should have.

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In the 15^th Century, English and European sea captains made their fortunes by traveling to the Far East and returning with valuable silks and spices. But it was an arduous journey, around the southern tip of Africa, up to China and Japan, then down and back again. Believing the earth was a small orb, Italian explorer Christopher Columbus thought he could sail straight across the Atlantic, around the globe, and arrive at Asia in record time.

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It’s said that during his lifetime, singer Frank Sinatra raised more than a billion dollars for charity. He was known for giving benefit concerts to help a variety of worthy causes, once remarking that he was “an overprivileged adult who ought to help underprivileged children.”

Some of his most popular performances were the private ones he gave for friends and acquaintances who’d been admitted to the hospital. The more serious the illness, the more diligent he was about dropping by and singing a tune to make the patients—and anyone else who could hear—feel a little better.

Few of us are blessed with Sinatra’s extraordinary vocal stylings, but he set a good example of the best way to help people who need to be comforted: Give of whatever talents you have.

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Well, the answer to your problems is not in Lucy Ricardo’s famous bottle of Vitameatavegamin. Oh noooo. The answer to your chronic fatigue may well be lying in bed next to you … masking her evil with an innocent expression.

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